Question:
One of my children feels misunderstood by me and I feel that she complains too much. What can we do to resolve this? She doesn’t feel that she’s complaining at all. I feel it’s pretty obvious.
The Seer: First of all, make sure you are on the same page in how you use the word “complaining”. Perhaps the difference of opinion arises from the following misunderstandings:
My Definition Of Complaining: Pointing out what is wrong or problematic with something.
My Definition Of Problem Solving: Pointing out what’s wrong or problematic with something and offering a solution.
My Definition Of Mature, Constructive, Cooperation: Pointing out what’s wrong or problematic with something and implementing an informed solution. Those who contribute in a positive way, are those who are solution-oriented rather than critical.
So in a child or teen to parent situation the third option can only work if the parents agree with each other and then seek to put solutions into place that the teen also resonates with. Because the child or teen is generally not in a position to ‘implement an informed solution’. That’s the basis behind sense of impotence that leads to complaining.